Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
