Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
