The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
