she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
