a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
