Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
