god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
