I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Don't EVER smell your tampon
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
