That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
