We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
