1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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