Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We're too hungover to prance.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
