I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
