Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
