absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
