Just fell off a train. Bad.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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