Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
