We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
