as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
