she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
