just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
