I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
