I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
