Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
