just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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