morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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