Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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