Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
