New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
