can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
