I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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