I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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