Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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