I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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