I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
