her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
