He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
