i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
