Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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