Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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