I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
