Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize