can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
