There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
