Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
