no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
