tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
