I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
