never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
