woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
