am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
