I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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