we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
