You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
