I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
