His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
