I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
