piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
